Man Skank: And No It Is Not a Cologne
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Skanks. They come in all shapes, sizes, races, religions, genders and economic backgrounds. And some are a lot skankier than others in how they behave, and who they will pursue and hope to wind tangled up with.
Some women out there liken themselves to a super skank boy as much as they like sucking back on some cheap champagne. The same kind they can’t drink without guzzling the entire bottle in one gulp, yet can’t live with the ensuing gut bubbles and the nasty headache they end up with afterward.
There are men out there among us who have everything they want. They have the car, the house, the career, the prestige and the perfect woman. The woman who spit shines his penny loafers and meticulously shaves his back and his rear end for him in all the spots he can’t reach.
Unfortunately for these type of men, and for a lot of people, “everything” just isn’t enough.
They’ve got to have more, so they seek to covet everything else they can get their grubby hands on. And they make sneaking around, lying, being conscientiously amoral, and being a straight up sickening sick boy behind everyone’s back an undying art. Make no mistake, a Man Skank will be nice to your face and pretend everything’s just kosher, all the while he’s scheming up things that’ll make you want to upchuck your lunch clear across the room.
I’ve seen Man Skank in action and have unfortunately been tangled up with a couple of Man Skanks myself. There’s a way to decipher whether or not your man, your friend’s, or your sister’s is a Man Skank through some key characteristics. Warning, this is a reminder that you may have to surgically remove those secure and reliable blinders and curtains of shame and denial in order to really see it.
• He justifies, glorifies and idealizes things that are sleazy.
A good friend of mine, bless her heart, is going through a very nasty life-shattering separation from a man of whom she spent years with. And all the while, he was a pig, a cheater, and a low-down dirtbag, who also made sure the entire world knew he was a pig, a cheater and a low-down dirtbag. Especially her.
Unlike most Man Skanks, he was out front in the open with a dozen and a half double standards he set forth. She, of course, wasn’t allowed to “play” the same hands he was dealing her. He loved all the freaky porn, he loved the strip clubs and sleazy bars, and he loved taking trips out of town for days at a time without telling her when he’d be back. He also didn’t lie about who he was with on these trips, he’d just tell her it was none of her business.
We were all sitting around discussing the Tiger Woods scandal at its peak and he justified that if he had that kind of money, had that many opportunities, and had a wife that fine, he too would go out and do that mess because he was rich. He did all those things anyway and he wasn’t rich or prestigious at all.
If a guy thinks screwing people out of money, being an unscrupulous sleaze bag, and being a total douche is really cool, HE IS A MAN SKANK. And don’t be surprised by the shit he’s going to dish you out simply because he thinks you had it coming.
• He’s unconcerned with who he has to step on, lie to and weasel his way around.
A guy who is willing to throw you, his best friend or his brother out to the wolves in order to protect his good name and his behind, and goes around town talking crap to your family and friends and makes you look bad, is a Man Skank in purest form.
In fact, if you caught him lying even ONE time when it matters, he’s a skank. And I’m not talking about lying about what time he was going to pick up your Valentine’s flowers, I’m talking about lying about where he’d been all afternoon, why you found chick’s numbers in his wallet, and why he didn’t answer his phone all night when he was “out with his boys”.
This is also the guy who dodges family members he owes money, doesn’t pay parking tickets and steals money out of the petty cash box at work. My ex was this sort and he snaked around my back and lied to me the entire time we were together.
Mind you, he was also a crook. He weaseled his way out of child support, filed false tax returns and stuck people with thousands in bills that were his. All without taking responsibility for his actions.
Red flag: If a guy deals in shady business in one form or another and sees nothing wrong with what he’s doing, don’t think for a second he’d hesitate in dealing up some shady business with you. Crooked, schemy, shady dudes CONSISTENTLY deal in shady shit in relationships and otherwise, so if he displays signs of being a schemer, a crook or a turncoat and you hang on, YOUR BAD AS MUCH AS IT IS HIS.
• Some things he does just can’t be accounted for.
His time spent away, some missing joint checking account funds, and some bills he hasn’t paid because he “suddenly ran short of money” are some things to keep an eye out for. Also, he wasn’t at work when you called all day, was in an online chat room and had some sleazy type history you spied out, or has “friends” who are chicks that he’s spending spare time with, OPEN YOUR EFFING EYES.
A lot of times, things just don’t add up and you can’t put your finger on it. The reason they don’t add up is because they can’t. 1 + 2 doesn’t equal four and if there are minuses and pluses here and there that amount to something that doesn’t compute, GET AN EFFING CLUE.
I can tell you EVERY single thing my husband does every single day is accounted for. I know where he is, who he’s with and what he’s doing. Mind you, I’m not keeping tabs on him because I don’t have to. I simply trust and know that he is doing the right thing because he’s done so consistently from the VERY BEGINNING. I can say with absolute certainty he’s not shady, not crooked and he’s not a weasel. WITH PEOPLE, WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET, and if he’s lying, cheating, acting immoral and being a piece of crap on the loose consistently from the start, don’t expect him to change. In fact, the only thing you should expect are for things to keep getting worse.
• He has no trouble pretending to be a saint one way while being a shitter the other.
This is a guy who plays up the self-righteous act to a “T”. His shit don’t stink, therefore neither can yours, he is perfect, always does the right thing and expects everyone else to do the same, specifically YOU. He’ll play the “saint” card and act like he’s a chosen disciple of God, and is hell or high tide against lying, cheating, lusting, stealing, etc.
Then you find out years down the line, he’s got stacks and stacks of kiddie porn, is involved in some organized theft ring, or has ties to people who deal in the underworld of exploiting people for sport. Not to alarm you, but I’d be extremely WARY of some guy who plays the self-righteous saint card to the extreme, especially while he’s judging you. These are the people who have the most to hide and they are good at hiding it.
This is the dude who’ll sleep with your best friend and convince you that it’s your fault and this is the guy who’ll live under the hat of sainthood and perfection while he schemes out all your hard earned money and spends it on drugs and whores.
If a guy is grossly misjudging you, plays the role of the immaculate one, and frowns upon and shames you and anything about you that breathes a hint of immorality, check him out. You’ll see that not all is perfect and beautiful in his state of paradise.
There are a lot of good men out there my friends, and there are a lot of bad and they are easy to pick out WHEN WE DECIDE TO SEE THEM FOR WHAT THEY REALLY ARE AND NOT WHO WE WANT THEM TO BE.
Take heed, Man Skank is out there in full force among us. Don’t say you weren’t warned.