Moodle Lingue

I’ve been reading a lot lately about the widespread disparaging ideas surrounding marriage all around, especially on the side of men. For instance, I read a quote from a guy's profile on a Loveawake dating site “If I had to be married to have sex, I’d be married and so would all the guys I know.” He’s exactly right. Why pay full price for something when it’s on closeout everywhere else you look?

Sex WAS the reason for marriage up until the sexual revolution of the 1960’s, and since the “Women’s Lib” movement in favor of all out sexual freedom and independence crapped all over the institution of marriage and made it an act of dissidence by any prehistoric measurement. Why get married anymore when nobody sees any benefit? All people see now is what they stand to lose.

Stringer guys lose money, dignity, nights away with their bros, freedom, independence, retirement savings, pensions, cheaper medical coverage, meaningless cheap sex, Saturday football tailgate parties, VIP passes to the strip joint, free single guy lunches at Hooter’s, hags phone numbers, discounts on GQ and Hustler magazine and most importantly, they lose their ability to remain emotionally and intimately closed off.

Ask any stringer guy why he doesn’t want to get married and he’ll give you EVERY selfish reason in the world. Mind you, he’ll be laughing it up with his buddies and mocking every reason, and NOT TELLING HER.

Stringer men have developed a rationale towards marriage that encompasses disbelief, non-necessity, and an outright loathsomeness against it, as though women are purposefully driving giant square pegs into the tiny round holes of their rear ends. The men who staunchly believe marriage is for the birds either haven’t met the right woman yet, they’re too effing cheap, or they can’t grow up and remove the soggy diapers hanging from their behinds.

Most of them don’t get it until they’ve got a 3”x 3” crowning bald spot eating away at their scalps and require a fancy prescribed air-compressed pump to sustain an erection. By then, their idea of being a great catch is down the drain, along with their once smooth wrinkle free skin, flat abs and their winning macho hand.

There’s a type of man who is likened to a deadly form of cancer that women who want to get married someday should recognize and avoid like they’d avoid drinking contaminated water in Thailand. They’re called stringers. And they make a career out of stringing women along one by one, year after year, to serve their own selfish needs. They suck the best years out of a woman’s life and keep her inspired with empty pledges that marriage is just right around the corner. Trust me ladies, the guy’s never going to marry you.

A stringer makes no apologies for ruining a woman’s better years with promises of commitment that are never to be fulfilled. In summary, a stringer doesn’t have the balls to get married because he’s a selfish asshat who can’t pony up the courage to be anything big to anybody but himself. He’s the big shot in his own mind and he’s the main attraction and only his needs suffice.

Here’s some good indications that the guy you’re with is a stringer:

• He can talk his way out of marriage until the cows come home.

I’m sure this guy has said ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION, “I don’t believe in marriage” or “nobody gets married anymore” or “marriage doesn’t make two people love each other”. If you’ve heard him say this, and you stick around, it’s your funeral, not his. In fact, if he’s said this even once, he has no intention of marrying you EVER. Cut your losses and quit playing the role of the merry fool. That’s what a stringer guy banks on.

• There is always some contingency on your part you haven’t held up to.

You haven’t finished college, you aren’t making enough bread, you haven’t lost the last 5 pounds nor have you gotten your checkbook nailed down to the last red cent. And when you finally do run through his obstacle course and win with flying colors, you’re still not up to par because the two dimples on your rear end haven’t smoothed out and your mother is a nasty pig who keeps crapping on his dinner plate every time she comes around.

There will always be some excuse that’s ultimately your fault, that will always remain a big slap across your face.

• There is always some contingency on HIS part he hasn’t held up to.

He’s not making enough money, he’s too scared, and he’s got a pimple on his rear end he hasn’t yet lanced. He hasn’t been fully vested in his employer retirement plan, he hasn’t bought a house, and he’s not ready to have children. He’s not….

Just like all the items on your trusty long drawn contingency list, he’s got a dozen and 10 items on his.

• He hasn’t proposed in the first 18 months.

18 months, shmeighteen months. If the guys hasn’t proposed in the first SIX, he isn’t lagging like molasses, he’s cementing himself into stone that his position of remaining unmarried to you stands. Guys know RIGHT AWAY if you’re “The One” with whom they want to share their lives, their homes, and their babies. If he hasn’t done something nearly right away, he NEVER plans to.

• You’ve already moved in with him.

He won’t address the marriage issue, but he’ll have you move in with him and play the part. You get to cook his meals, wash the skids out of his drawls and pay half his notes, not to mention you get to service him some freaky sex so that he no longer has to jerk off. It’s different if he’s already proposed and you’ve begun planning the wedding and have set a date. THEN YOU CAN MOVE IN. If you don’t have ANY of those things, you’re digging for gold and turning up brass.

• He won’t get near you without double-backed condoms.

The obligation of babies looming in the backdrop of your co-hag-itat situation is an utter nightmare for a stringer. He must ensure that you don’t foil his future by trapping him with pregnancy, so he makes sure two condoms are glued to his peepee at all times.

NO ifs, ands, or buts. Especially no “butts” unless they’re of the backdoor kind. Even then, he’d rather not chance it because his sick logic is telling him that you’d do anything to trap him, even if that means redesigning your physical anatomy to allow for impregnation up the rear. He’s not putting anything past you OR his prophylactics.

• He’s been with other women before you YEARS ON END without marrying them.

Take his track record of past relationships into thorough consideration. If he lived in a concubine hag situation before and he never thought of marrying her, what makes you honestly think you’ll be any different? If a guy has gotten by for years on end without having to marry, don’t think he’s going to magically up and do it for you when you can easily be replaced. After all, you replaced her didn’t you?

I hate to have to be the bearer of bad news, but a stringer guy is just that, nothing more, nothing less. Marriage isn’t on his agenda anymore than getting fat, ugly or old is on yours. And before you know it, that’s how you’re going to end up before he’ll ever decide (if he does at all) on throwing a ring on your finger and by then, your choices will be very limited.

If you want to get married, find someone who wants to marry you, not someone who “can’t make up his mind” because it’s already been made. Let the stringer guy hang himself by his own string.